everything that's pretty was put on display--notes

no matter what twice a day i got the call, ‘when will you be ready?’ / her inter dialogue and outer dialogue’s kept trying to hold hands, lingered on together, start a relationship and words got too messy / if it wasn’t my speech it was yours and so on and so forth, replies, phone calls, to do lists, constantly making scraps of anything beautiful just to scribble on it, to relieve the pain, scratch it / phantom limb / i caught you like a disease at first, your eyes were my symptoms slower with every day the glances started to shake me, ‘don’t look away’ could you still win even if your eyes gave in and shed tears? not for emotional reasons but it had been too long under stress, they also need relief / you called me around 2 o clock that day, to ask which hand I wrote with / hours at the library spent researching handwriting and what it means, because you wanted to know more about me, by the notes I took in meetings incase I was not the kind of fish you preferred / bring the line in boys, only thing that’s biting is salmon / as a matter of fact, it’s better this way, why spend your whole life broiling different fishes in oil and butter, if you can broil the same fish in different things every time and still get the different you want / are your taste buds used to me yet? / you put me in a tub and washed my hair, why did this have to mean something? / I hated salons—your hands were gentle / peel it away first, and so he bit in he toughed the skin and swallowed hard, it hurt to hear that go down, but would his body thank him? would she realize that it’s okay to take it whole? / dispose of what’s unnecessary if you want a happy customer / hygiene she kept every hair trimmed and no smells secreted from her body unless it was the signature perfume that sweated out of her body instead of salt water and dirt / tallulah wondered if her scent mattered, in a room full of strangers, who spends time to put them at ease, they all stink but you smell fine, you do it for yourself is that right? / make a dent, strike spotless surface, vandalize yourself my darling, for you will be dust one day, you might as well use what’d you’ve got / everything that’s pretty was put on display / so she did it, 18 hours later / ink ink ink / you start tomorrow, and she only nodded her head, because sewn at the mouth were and thoughts she left / unsaid for a while….you hum and it might scare possible customers, i need you to be lifeless, either that or in so much pain that you’re last motion is silence / default, she had had this setting since birth, every time a new one came in she felt terribly, why would you trade it?, for this? yes things will pass and time goes with it and i wish slow motion existed but don’t you miss their touch? / every night they cried, no evidence, no DNA, nothing to wipe, it was silent, and the neon lights were glowing / CLOSED / and remember when i saw behind the mask that you knew me, recognized the face as the one you told your secrets too, and you can stare and say, ‘No that’s not what I had in mind,’ / She couldn’t turn away and frown, she couldn’t kick the glass, or knock to get ____ to come back, all i am is locked / behind the glass, behind the porcelain / everything that was pretty was put on display, and the only reason you need me is to fill the moments where you run out of things to pass the time, she taught me why God made me beautiful and why relationships were inevitable. / i really can’t tell—let it wash you babe / keep dancing i don’t want you to know—stop keeping me locked up in this i can find out if i want / shout and don't stop even i tell you to