idk?

ELISE

and I tried so hard to listen

Like my professor last week told me……..and it started with the letter H……yeah she showed us what it would look like if were to continue on this way…..i don’t think it’s like that anymore though

ELISE

and everything around me was moving and shaking and I couldn’t believe what I saw before me it was like crystal clear background and the person I wanted to be talking to was not there, and the next day I didn’t even remember if I had spoken with them or not.

She walked like all the world’s gravity was crushing her like she was the victim when the earth moved around the sun it was inevitable she would be swept up in the mix she would be the one pulled and pushed on by these forces. And was it even fair that one girl got to carry this around this ability to feel all the pain of what’s moving when everyone else can’t notice the shift, it’s not an earthquake or anything like that anyways.

MOTHER

Dear you must try much harder, look into their eyes, be vulnerable before them, forget that you are there, and believe in what can’t make sense that all these words are coming out of their mouths and let me tell you something you must try to latch on to every last one of them (the words, the syllables, the sounds, the mannerisms, keep your interest for if you give up on this feeling too soon then the tunnel will only suck you in longer. It will take over, and your life has already deviated from the plan too much already. This is staying my dear, and I would like to know, where do you go?

ELISE Could not explain to her mother he knew nothing about transcendence and wondered who chose her to undergo this series of tunnels. It wasn’t even dark outside, the spring weather everyone was wishing for finally came and it was okay that she and her and them and they were all getting along for once. Her true self separated amongst the water lilies and the blossoms that left behind a fragrance unique to the season. Something you wouldn’t remember by the time it got cold again, but those nights, with hot sweat dripping in puddles from your body and your bed you would forget what it wasn’t like to smell that.

DOCTOR

Well I’m sorry I forgot to mention this but a side effect has to be that you will have some of your senses heightened and I’m sorry to report that not many patients have found relief.

ELISE INT. SFX

the doctor just labeled it as her brain having overactive deja vu and now there were meds being tested to understand this phenomenon.

And if the side effects weren’t enough to sway my parents from signing on and picking up the orange container along with some cotton swabs at our local pharmacy the fact that it costs more than any tuition I’ve ever paid per year scared the shit out of me, and I’m not guinea pig, but even they were too sacred to be used as this medication was tested on none other than ducks. 

Sir / Ma’am

Apart of her treatment we would like for her to find out in which way she reacts to the medicines and for a log to be kept so that we can decide which dosage best fits your daughter/son’s needs.

And she felt mean telling them she was a product of two very healthy human beings  who took all the necessary precautions so something like this would never, could never hop into their gene pool hiding until the day their most favorite daughter hit puberty and then let everything go downhill from there. Stay away from drug dealers, make sure you get your homework in on time. And other mantra’s she could hear sounding off in her head before her parents asked her, “How was school today?”

It was unusual to be this way it was unusual to be the byproduct of what seemed like the perfect life and perfect family. She had known kids who’d passed away from diseases but the thing about the one she had she couldn’t pass away from it, every day would be a fight whether or not she did what she had to do in a day or not. She could not just lay in a hospital bed, get hooked up to IV’s and peacefully fight until one day her lungs filled with fluid and she moved on to heaven, and got acquainted with God. She went to church to rid herself from this. But it didn’t make any sense to be having this happen. Why would someone wish for anything this small to happen to them? Did it matter at the end of the day that someone would die suffering, and yet again she was still going through this anonymous yet constant tunnel? Not sure of when exactly the light would cut off and everything around her would become blurry like the white sky on the night after it snows. The weather can’t be controlled. 

And so it starts all over again, the missed out conversations, the things she needed to remember, where did Elise’s responsibilities go? Down the fucking toilet with all the shits people were taking on the world. How cold would the winter get this year. She wondered how hard it might seem from an outsider’s perspective. And wished her medication was better than a phone with a bad battery charge. Yes it will freeze, and barely be charged, and the screen is cracked, but it still functions as at least one thing. Who would want to be boiled down to just functioning as one things; humans have the biggest brains, we’re supposed to be on top of the world, we have purpose, we’re not just somebody’s dog sitting around waiting for a hand to pet us or the likeness of when we will get to take our next leak.