It's easier to love you when you're no where close to being mine / the answering machine cut off a voice said, 'Emmy?' / he was smiling he did not know exactly why she was calling, why this year was important, she still sounded young, and he imagined her face smiling at him, while the sun crossed over the swings / We go through intermissions, she said, emmy wanted not to hurt him one bit, she knew what would make him smile, jokes expire, his emotions are deeper than hers, she couldn't fix everything in the house by the end she'd have to go back over everything / She didn't mind the left screw on the sink leaking water, or the refrigerator making washing machine sounds / emmy was at a yellow light / WAIT YOUR TURN / sometimes adam would show up / make an appeareance, i tallied up smiles, a couple waves, grownup conversations, eyebrows aloft, and twenty winks, each time something was the same, but also different / he was too warm for me, im cold blooded so things cannot work out, we're not gonna fit that way / cried and cried and pouted and cried / She was a glass door, you could almost reach out and touch what you saw, until you hit it hard / slam / he turned into the water fountain--always there, never calling, water mostly warm and droopy, kids pouring peas and carrots in the drainy parts, / not working when i pressed my hand against your imprint / 'ma'am i don't think that fits..'/ too late now, nothing can be returned the sale is over, it's 10 years later, why would words matter? / Emmy needed to miss you in order to remember--you smile, your voice always the same, slighty happier than most, she frowned but not for long, his hands were long forgotten, what's your name again / you smell familiar but my nose has not been up to par these days / dog like senses, adam would not forget, he filed it away, kept trying, kept going, imitated the only thing you wanted / the riff and raff started again, i wish i knew the cords 'I know in time, I'll only make you cry, this is my last goodbye' sang out jeff buckley / i needed you to be the something i couldn't run away from, but alas..the end was late and it never began / rebirth? why couldn't emmy hug him the first time, wrap him up in a time machine and uncover the words that were left out / the smells, sickly and too real / His voice was raspy, and he said 'everyone wants something.' / thanks for weeping with me, i was breathing--words left my vocabulary, and who did that? / Emmy--I ignored you--but it began with you / pain is inevitable emmy, stop crying, all you did was skin your knee! / Mum! My hair doesn't like me anymore, two chunks of braids fell to the floor in the background, marie was laughing and pointing 'she chopped her hair off, haha' / Adam wanted to reach through the line and hold her hand, spend time knowing it's new veins and wrinkles and freckles, touch her palm in the part that send that feeling to the core / 'I'm not afraid to try' i am the only person in my family who can't stomach hot sauce / Emmy promised him rebirth, and in it better everything, the embrace not the race / time stopping / it was just our hands, our bodies, our breath, where did everyone go? /applying the last bit of mascara while the tea kettle started singing clara warned me 'adam will be so much better for you' / your face, i want to smush it up, i know it will go back to normal, i need to see the other side / what is left at the bottom adam? / dogs barking, curtains opening, fingers poking at dad 'can i the crunchy cerealy' and then gone gone gone / see you in the sky, maybe the stars will even keep us apart / i should've bought the more expensive glue / attempts are never final / and my doll house burned down the same night, hand painted furniture, figurines, everything was fine--until it wasn't
more notes for a story...aka I don't know what I'm doing and I just wanted to post lol
happy almost spring,
Casey
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