getting no message is also a message

i think i get it now

its kind of a weird thing to want to be friends with someone so badly

and then you see them getting along with others

and it doesn’t really hurt

its just kind of like you’re watching a movie of two best friends

and no matter how hard you try to dress like them, be into their stuff, even if it’s just by natural selection

you really can’t 

you’re not a VIP

you’re on the borderlines and it sucks, but life on the glass is still a life

you just have to watch others kind of have the relationships with people

that you really want

and maybe it’s better that way

because if you’re in their place you’d definitely mess it up

someone’s saving you a step

just watch and stuff

shit. 

i mean it’s not even like you can hate the people

because they are so awesome to begin with

and it hurts and its kinda sucky that you won’t know the inside joke that you might get a quick glance of and its kind of showing me that relationships take effort

and I’m not really  cut out for that so this is perfect.

but i still want it. 

i guess it’s the american in me.

i can do whatever the hell I want. 

yeah life is not that simple i don’t think.

i wish i could ask alex g to make a soundtrack for my film

also I had another idea that for my film I would have this scene where the government or something else takes the kids (a cult maybe?) and they pick them up while they are free, like stray dogs staying free while the men at the pound try to catch them and eventually they do kind of.

but in this case scarlett and her friends get taken into this zoo/aquarium/museum type thing. and it’s sad, and I want over by alice boman to play in the trailer. And i need to develop more ideas but blah. 

WHY DOES THIS MATTER.

WHY DOES THIS NEED TO BE MADE.

felt like a long dream that I am finally waking up from
haste makes waste
I want to work on a year-long film project
 I already have the log line and the name it’s called “Try My Eyes” 
 considered amateur I guess
everything works out at least  
I changed a few parts
even though I’ll probably end up with like twenty rough drafts before I’m satisfied
a very touchy thing 
I can’t complete all three I think 

the future holds the next me, it really does.

are you alright?