stuck in yr head

lately i haven't been able to get 'can't say i wanna' from the album hair piles out of my head.




and immediately after listening to it for the 100th time i finally gave in bought the track off bandcamp and thirst followed shari heck on twitter. Shari's voice is like the sound that you only reveal to people that are really close to you, you know how when someone's on the phone they sound different than in real life? yup, that's filtered. shari's voice paired with her lyrics are like the coffee grinds fallout you sometimes get in your cup after your good old weather mr. coffee maker has seen it's day. I mean this that i'd rather listen to shari's music when i'm alone, it feels like there is a human whispering in my ear, and it's not me or my negative nancy sub-concious. it feels like you're sitting on the bus next to cyberbully mom club, and you're so close to someone but so far away from their thoughts, where they are going, why they are on the bus, what's in their ipod that's so captivating, you know? I sound strange, but haven't you ever wondered that when you see someone totally opposite than you with headphones in that you might be sharing the same song/moment.


also i'm not copying velvet girl aka kani, but reading her post reminded me that i miss listening to shari and i miss blogging relentlessly while my homework alarms are going off in my phone. by the way i'm pretty much done, my classes are pretty confusing but i'm hoping to finish high school this week. and move on. i wish i could've spent more time here being myself. but i don't regret it. 

this morning after yet another missed connection/unrequited love gone wrong, i analyzed my habits in photobooth. I think a part of me that i want to explore more, is the person who feels that they will always be replaced. I want to be myself so so much, that my habits are mine. And that i can't be pin pointed, or strapped down, or expected from. I' m tired of trying to fit in so much so that i don't know who i am again, and start at square one. so for now i'm restricting myself from a girl i'm crushing on and i'm avoiding my best friend because i'm afraid i'm not good enough for her. and i just want to give her the answer so badly, but i've been rambling on since the start of this year, and i'm not even a sentence in yet. 

has anyone been craving lemonade? the sour kind, and walks where sweat fills the air so thick, you have to scream to get rid of it. yup it's poetry season folks. i'll try to post more on here, and i'm sending my poetry zines out which is really exciting. now all i need is a dog and i'm set. 

i think i've given up on my wishes coming true. for now i just want to write so so much, and do so much for myself, and take care, and be intertwined with people who let me be that person more often. 

that is all,
casey